Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize