my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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