She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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