carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
