I'm eating all of the evidence.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
