Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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