dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
