Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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