someone owes me an orgasm
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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