i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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