I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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