what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
