can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
