i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize