new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
