Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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