i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
