I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
