i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize