You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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