Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize