I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
