Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
