I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize