dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
