Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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