She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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