Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
