He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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