why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize