I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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