I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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