I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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