You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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