you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize