you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
