I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
