I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
