Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So apparently I’m into choking now
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