We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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