Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
