Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
