billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
