the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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