I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
