i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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