I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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