its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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