i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
