You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
