i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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