Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
